Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
