Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Even the bartender felt bad for me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
