If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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