I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
