What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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