I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
