I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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