Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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