in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
