my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
