a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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