I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
