the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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