plz talk dirty to me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
