The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
