Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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