I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
