we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
