Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
