D3 body, D1 cock
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think i got beer on your cat.
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