It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
