ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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