your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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