Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
