Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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