i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
