I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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