He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
