He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
