She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
