All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
