i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
