Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
