Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
