he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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