I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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