Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
