she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
