i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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