I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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