Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
