Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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