At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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