so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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