we made out on top of his cat.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
