I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
