My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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