I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
