There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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