I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
