We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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