You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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