$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
