A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
