so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
