Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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