hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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