Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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