his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
